Have you ever noticed the design of your car? The windshield is massive, giving you a wide-angle view of everything ahead. The rearview mirror, by comparison, is tiny. There is a profound life lesson in that engineering: Where you are headed is infinitely more important than where you have been
Yet, so many of us try to drive through life with our eyes glued to that tiny mirror. We obsess over the potholes we already hit, the wrong turns we took miles ago, and the people who cut us off decades ago.
When you drive looking backward, a crash isn’t just a possibility—it’s an eventual certainty.
1. You Are Not a Slave to Your Shadow
There is a quote by an author named Dodinsky: “Do not walk in your shadow. You are not a slave to your past.” It’s a simple thought with heavy implications. Your past might be the reason you are where you are today, but it is not the reason you have to stay there.
As my long-time mentor, Andy Andrews, famously teaches, you are where you are because of the choices you’ve made. If you don’t like the scenery, you have the power to change the destination by making a different choice right now. People often argue, “I didn’t choose the bad things that happened to me.” That’s true. We don’t choose tragedies. But we do choose our response. The moment you place blame on an outside circumstance, you hand over your keys. You give away your power to affect positive change.
2. The Acid of Bitterness
I see this most often with the “baggage” of old hurts. I have a friend—a hardworking single mother—who is still haunted by an abusive relationship from twenty years ago. The man is gone, but the ghost of his actions still dictates her present joy. She carries a form of “relational PTSD” that bogs down her present and is destroying her chances for a better future.
My pastor, Dr. Jack Graham, calls this a “root of bitterness.” It is an acid that eats its own container. By refusing to forgive, we think we are punishing the other person, but we are actually just drinking the poison ourselves.
As Andy Andrews says in The Seven Decisions, forgiveness is the most freeing experience you can have. It isn’t about letting someone back into your life to hurt you again (if they steal from you, forgive them, but don’t do business with them!). It’s about cutting the steel cables of the past so you can finally step out of the shadow and into the light, and finally move forward.
3. Take Control of the Steering Wheel
If you want to change your life, you have to change what’s coming through the windshield. There are four primary influences on who you become:
- Your culture (which you can’t change, but you aren’t a slave to).
- The people you spend time with.
- The places you do life.
- The information you take in.
You have total control over the last three. If you spend 8 hours a week at the gym listening to music, you’re missing 416 hours a year of potential growth. If you listen to educational podcasts or books instead, you’ve essentially given yourself a university-level education while fortifying your physical health.
The same applies to your environment. Discipline doesn’t start at the dinner table; it starts at the grocery store. If you don’t want to eat junk, don’t put it in the “environment” of your pantry.
Your mom was careful about your selection of friends for a very good reason. And the great business philosopher, Jim Rohn, said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Bottom line, your friends and the people you closely associate with will make or break you, so choose wisely.
4. Live from the Future, Not the Present
Dr. Benjamin Hardy offers a perspective shift that changes everything: Stop setting goals based on who you are today. Most people look at their current bank account or current fitness level and set a “realistic” goal. And worse, if your present situation is difficult, looking at “today” will only make you feel powerless. That’s backward. Instead, look at what you want to accomplish and who you want to be in three years, and let that guide your choices today. If that version of you is a successful entrepreneur or a fit, healthy person, how does that person act?
- What time do they wake up?
- What do they eat?
- How do they handle stress?
Don’t “fake it ’til you make it.” Instead, be that person now. Let your future self dictate your present actions. As Zig Ziglar said, “You’ve got to be before you can do, and do before you can have”. You have to be something in your mind before you can ever have it in your hands. Act as if you have already achieved the goal, and reality will eventually catch up to your actions.
The Fifth Leg: Why Mindset Matters
If you follow my blog, you know I often talk about the “Five-Legged Stool” of health: Exercise, Nutrition, Sleep & Stress Management & Recovery, Regular Doctor Checkups, and Emotional health, which includes Mindset.
Think of Mindset as the glue that keeps the others steady. You can have the best nutrition plan in the world, but if your mindset is stuck in the rearview mirror—beating yourself up for yesterday’s failures—the stool will eventually collapse. To have a balanced “Five-Legged” life, you must give yourself permission to leave the past behind. Your future self is counting on you to focus on the road ahead.
The Road Ahead
Your past is a fixed point; you can’t edit it, and you certainly can’t live in it. It belongs in that tiny rearview mirror—useful for a quick glance to see how far you’ve come, but dangerous to stare at.
Eyes up. Look through the windshield. The road ahead is wide open, and you’re the one behind the wheel.
Take the Next Step
If you’re tired of feeling like your past is dragging an anchor behind your life, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
- Stay Inspired: Don’t miss a post. Subscribe to my blog for more insights on the Five-Legged Stool of wellness and how to live with intention.
- Get Personalized Help: Whether it’s nutrition, fitness, or navigating life’s stress, the power of a coach is providing the clarity you need to move forward. If you’re ready to start making new choices today, reach out to me via “Work with Kelly” for coaching. Let’s get your eyes off the mirror and back on the road.
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