Life Lessons From Mom

In honor of my Mom and to all moms worldwide, the following is a tribute.  My Mom taught me so much as a child; many of these lessons have stayed with me. A few, in particular, have grown to become absolute fundamentals that my life is now based on.

A common thread running through these lessons includes the principles of honor and respect.  In the following, I will share the original and what each means today.

Yes, Ma’am & No Ma’am…Yes Sir & No Sir

From my earliest memories, I was taught the importance of saying these short and simple words.  They are such a part of me that I find myself, particularly with women saying Yes Ma’am & No Ma’am, even when younger than me.  However, the words come automatically if you are older, male, or female.  It shows reverence and respect, and in my humble opinion, I think it is greatly appreciated by the recipient.

Saying Thank You

Learning to say “thank you” has to be one of the most critical lessons I learned from my Mom.  It was drilled into me so much that it became an absolute automatic like Yes Ma’am & No Ma’am.  Further, I was taught from an early age to write thank you notes for any occasion I was blessed by someone else. Thank you letters are a lost art today, yet they are a timeless and classic expression of honor and respect.

Being Happy With What You Have Rather Than Complaining About What You Don’t Have

As a child, I grew up in a loving middle-class family and never lacked any material things.  My Mom always taught me to be thankful and to never take anything for granted.  However, I learned early on that not everyone grew up in the same type of home as me.  Some had it better…and some had it much worse.  This early perspective taught me the value of being grateful for my material and intangible blessings.  After all, the most valuable things in life are those that money can’t buy.

On a higher level, this lesson is an expression of gratitude; a spirit of gratitude is one of the most admirable character traits anyone can ever develop.  Zig Ziglar says, “Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”  And my mentor, Andy Andrews, teaches, “It is impossible for the seeds of depression to take root in a thankful heart.”

This lesson also teaches that happiness comes from within and is not based on some outside thing, accomplishment, or circumstance.  Always strive to improve yourself through self-directed growth but never fall into the trap of thinking that happiness is the “pot of gold” at the end of the journey. Happiness is the journey.

Right and Wrong

In chronological terms, this may be one of our earliest lessons.  In my case, while I was always reasonably well-behaved, I did receive my fair share of spankings. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”  I am so thankful for my Mom not sparing the “rod” when I was a child because of the lessons it taught me for life.

Most people fail to make the connection with the significance of the wisdom of Proverbs 22:6.  The higher lesson is teaching a child the discipline to do the right thing even when it’s not necessarily what they want to do because they understand the negative repercussions that will come from the wrong behavior.

This lesson will bear fruit for a lifetime because, as adults, we all have a choice each day in how we conduct ourselves and our decisions. There will always be hard choices; without the backbone of discipline, the path of least resistance will likely be taken. High achievers in every area of life only get there through hard work and discipline.

Telling the Truth

Learning to tell the truth, was one of the more challenging lessons to learn because there is an element of trust involved.  I remember Mom explaining that telling the truth, especially when you’ve done something wrong, will get you in less trouble than telling a lie…and ultimately being caught.  It only took a few occasions where I tried to “hide” the truth with the “skin of a lie” to be found out that I discover how much worse getting caught in a lie can actually be.

As a follower of Christ, I read and study my Bible daily and know how much God hates lying.  The Bible is full of warnings against the danger of telling lies.  So, between my loving reverence for my Mom and a healthy fear of the Lord, I strive to live above reproach in every area today.

A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish.
Proverbs 19:9

Nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light.
Luke 8:17

Finally, not telling the truth only makes it worse when you finally get caught.  The Bible teaches the principle of “sowing and reaping” and states that you will always reap later than you sow and greater than you sow.  I believe this explains the multiplying effect of lying today and getting caught tomorrow, and that’s a price I never want to pay.

Play Nice With Your Friends

How many times did our moms say to “play nice with your friends”?  Little did we know how valuable this simple direction would be.  Getting along with people is a priceless asset at any age.  Whether in business or personal life, we are relational beings and must get along with others to be happy and contributing members of society.

My mentor and leadership expert, John C. Maxwell, says, “One is too small a number to achieve greatness.” Anything of significance in life will require the help of others.  Therefore, connecting with and developing relationships is a critical skill in achieving a fulfilled and successful life.

Be Careful Who You Play With

As an extension of playing nice with your friends, the wisdom of choosing your friends wisely is some of the best advice I ever received from my Mom.  It seemed simple enough when we were kids. However, choosing your friends and associates wisely can not be overstated.

Your associations in life will make or break you.  Jim Rohn said it best: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”  Charlie “Tremendous” Jones was famous for saying, “You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.”

This is one lesson from my Mom that is true for a lifetime.  It causes me to constantly compare where I am in life relative to my moral standards and goals and be aware of how my associations influence my behavior and results, for better or worse.

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say, Don’t Say Anything at All

This is another classic “Mom” saying that should be held on to for life.  It’s simple advice, yet the results can be profoundly positive or negative.  My mentor Jeffrey Gitomer teaches to “Say why you like things and people…not why you don’t.”  A negative statement may be the truth, yet if it doesn’t bring value to the situation, then what’s the point?

I’m not suggesting that we should all run around “Polly Anna” with our heads in the clouds, never speaking negatively.  However, I prefer to be cautious, especially in a mixed crowd where you don’t know everyone.  You never know when your one negative statement may indeed offend someone else. Whether in a business setting or in your personal life, the wisdom of Philippians 4:8 is hard to beat:

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”

Further, you can’t have a quality relationship with someone who you speak negatively about behind their back.  Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”  We literally speak our world into existence, and when you talk negatively about someone in their absence, you are poisoning your attitude toward that person.  A 100% positive relationship will be impossible because of your negative thinking toward them.

Finally, if your negative comments ever get back to the person you were slandering, the potential negative consequences are significant.  Regardless of the circumstances, this is a habit fraught with danger.

Affection

My Mom’s primary love language is “Acts of Service,” and therefore, the way she shows affection to others is to do things for them.  Her daily living example of doing things for others taught me the incredible value of always being willing to serve.  Of all the things she taught me, it was her actions that influenced me far more than her spoken words.  Abraham Lincoln said, “There is but one way to train a child in the way he should go, and that is to travel it yourself.”

While my spiritual gifts and strengths are different from my Mom’s, I learned the valuable lesson from her that we are called to serve others.  God has given each of us a unique skill set, and from my Mom’s example, it is a daily goal for me to be a good and faithful steward.

Forgiveness

The hardest lesson of all, and yet one of the most beneficial, is the act of forgiving.  My Mom taught me early on the value of this often tricky act.  It could mean forgiving someone else for some way they have wronged you.  Or it could be you asking for forgiveness when you have wronged someone.

In either case, timing is critical, and I believe the sooner you address the issue, the better. When I have done something where I feel an apology is due, I try to go to the person as soon as possible.  For the record, I prefer not to say, “I’m sorry.”  “Sorry” is a state of being; if you say it often enough…you become it.

I prefer to offer an apology followed by asking the other person for forgiveness.  Trust me, this is harder than saying, “I’m sorry.”  But the relief you feel when the other person grants their forgiveness will allow you both to move forward with closure and peace of mind.

More problematic still is when you’re the one granting the forgiveness.  Without going into extreme examples, this can be one of the most challenging things we are called to do in life.  And yet being willing to do so can be one of the healthiest acts we can ever take for our emotional well-being.

My Pastor, Dr. Jack Graham, teaches the negative consequences of harboring a “root of bitterness” towards another person.  The offender may be guilty of a truly horrible act, and yet to hold on to your negative feelings can ultimately do you more harm.  Pastor says a root of bitterness is like acid slowly eating away at the inside of its container.

The following from Ephesians 4:31-32 offers sobering wisdom from God’s word:

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.  And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

Living with a general spirit of forgiveness is one of the wisest lessons ever.  It has been hard for me, yet it has paid significant dividends.

Unconditional Love

Closely tied to forgiveness…a Mom’s love has no equal. She knows more about you than anyone and loves you anyway.

My Mom always allowed me the freedom to pursue different things and then encouraged me every step of the way.  From golf to bodybuilding, to various business opportunities (bless her), to dating long distance, which led to an engagement and relocation to Colorado, she was my cheerleader every step of the way.

This taught me the wisdom that can only come from failure when my pursuits crash and burn.  But it also taught me self-reliance and the all-important quality of accepting 100% responsibility for your decisions and where you are.

I can never begin to repay all that she has done for me.  She holds a special place in my heart that can never be replaced by anyone else.  I love her with all my heart because she’s my Mom.

Happy Mother’s Day!